MID Message & Mail

[unaffluent]

I N B O X

IC Voice Mail "You've reached Adam Parrish and I probably didn't want to talk right now." Mun Contact • PLURK: poetanarchy

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[unaffluent]

[ Adam reluctantly shifts onto his side and tiredly peers at Gansey. ]

They're not sleeping pills. They're like custom made shit that's supposed to work better with alcohol.

[ And for the first time in so long he'd been sleeping peacefully. ]

[disentombs]

Then what are they for if they're not sleeping pills? And where are you getting them from?

[This all sounds really shady and Gansey is...well, kind of really worried about Adam at this point.]

[unaffluent]

[ Adam definitely isn't telling Gansey where he got them from. He doesn't need or want the lecture that would probably follow that's going to be worse than the one he's already going to get. ]

They just help my brain stop. Really, it's fine. They're fine. It's not like I do them a lot.

[disentombs]

Do you have any idea how that sounds? Do you know what it looked like?

I thought you were...

[He stops here. #1 because he really doesn't want to say it aloud. The truth is, ever since there was that time with Ronan, Gansey has been afraid that it would happen again. One small part of the anxiety accountable for his insomnia. He doesn't want to have to worry about Adam with this too.

#2 because he felt he had no right to say it out loud, as a literal dead man.]

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[ Adam exhales heavily and he really just wants to exit the room and go throw up and sit in a shower that's too hot to be fully comfortable but he just sits up slowly, rubbing his face and pushing his fingers throug his hair. As much as the sleep had been good, there hadn't been nearly enough and this confrontation is taxing. ]

I wasn't dead. I'm not going to be dead. Ronan is still the one everyone has to worry about.

[disentombs]

[In a rare show of distress, he runs a hand through his own hair as he watches Adam.]

I can't just ignore this. I'm worried about you too. Not just this. In general.

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[ Adam exhales and he feels a flare of anger that he doesn't quite understand why it comes and it scares him. So he's quick to tear it apart before it can flicker onto his face, before Gansey can even guess that he might have been angry. ]

There's nothing to worry about me for. I'm fine. You're dead. Ronan's dying. you don't have the luxury to worry about me.

[disentombs]

[Softly:]

How about I decide who and what I worry about?

My fate's already decided.

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[ Adam exhales, annoyance making it's way into his expression but at least it wasn't anger. ]

It's not decided. You're in some shit limbo.

[disentombs]

It is decided. If we ever make it back home, I won't be like this.

[He'd collapse on arrival and never get up.]

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[ Adam doesn't accept that as a definite. Time has become too clearly a non-linear thing. They can change it. He knows they can. Wasn't that so much a part of everything from the very beginning? ]

You don't know for sure. People who die don't always stay dead.

[disentombs]

[Of course Gansey of all people should know that but still. Still.]

If I wasn't going to stay dead, why did Blue see me that night? St. Mark's Eve?

[Because surely, only people that stayed dead would be seen that evening.]

[unaffluent]

[ Adam exhales at the question. ]

There's probably about a thousand reasons for that.

[ He really thinks that too. ]

Nothing about that all seemed weird to you?