MID Message & Mail

[unaffluent]

I N B O X

IC Voice Mail "You've reached Adam Parrish and I probably didn't want to talk right now." Mun Contact • PLURK: poetanarchy

Comments

[unaffluent]

[ The paralytic had worn off but Adam still felt like it had a hold on him. It's not only that but the idea that there might also be something else wrong that he won't know what it is until later. They'd been told about the metal pill he'd swallowed but hadn't figured out exactly what it was doing and it didn't seem to be causing any issues.

Adam doesn't think it's harmless but there's not much proof behind it. The last thing he expects is for Andyr to come and sit next to the bed he's on. He tries not to flinch away from the touch because Andyr doesn't mean anything negative by it and Adam knows that. But it's still difficult to let anyone touch him too many memorizes dragged to the surface in this whole ordeal. ]

Yeah. [ Not that he's moved much except that for most of the time he's curled in on himself, worrying and wanting to go to Ronan but not allowed to. ]

Ronan...?

[deconstruct]

Is fine. [ Andyr answers without delay, knowing how that must be the most important point to adam. ]

Still passed out, but they patched him up and pumped enough new blood in him that he's stable. Just healing now. [ and doped up on a fun cocktail of drugs, probably. the important part is he's safe, not in any kind of medical danger anymore. andyr will probably try to help adam move over to ronan's bed, so they'll have each other close when he wakes, as soon as the medics tell him adam's safe to move. or maybe before that. who knows.

but at the moment, there's a more pressing concern to address, before ronan wakes up and plows over everything adam might be feeling with his emotional whirlwind. ]

You gonna be okay? Paralysis is scary shit.

[unaffluent]

[ Adam's relieved but he also is sure he would have known if Ronan died. Somehow, he'd have felt it and right now he doesn't feel like he's gone. Adam just feels broken, not that that's something he would ever admit out loud -- least of all to Andyr. ]

I'm fine. [ It's a clear lie, Adam's really anything but fine or okay. It doesn't matter, really, anyway, because Ronan had almost died and it'd been his fault. He can't escape that fact over and over again assaulting him in the face. His control had once again been taken from him. His throat tightens up and he lets out a shuddered breath to try and release the tension there. ]

I can't stand Kavinsky.

[deconstruct]

Bullshit you're fine. [ he'd seen that enough through adam's eyes when he'd been under the drug, and his struggling to regain any kind of control. but he's tried to hold conversation with adam before, and they don't seem to get anywhere, either because andyr's lack of personability, or adam's distrust of him. ]

Either try to work through it, or learn to lie better. [ andyr can't really say he's done much of either of them, himself, as far as his intense fear of things like this goes, but he doesn't have ronan lynch breathing down his neck 24/7, and bending over backwards to try to improve his life. that's adam. ]

I don't think anyone can stand Kavinsky.

[unaffluent]

[ Adam doesn't get called on his bullshit very often. Either everyone around him is too busy or too involved in their own crap to notice it or he hides it good enough. Considering he's usually surrounded by teenagers, it's likely the former rather than any amount of the latter.

He doesn't say anything to contradict him, though. It's not like it matters. He stares anywhere but at Andyr. Ronan's okay. That's really all that matters. After all that happened how he feels or what damage Kavinsky really did on the back burner and he doesn't have a desire to make it front and center. ]

Kavinsky can't even stand Kavinsky.

[deconstruct]

Not surprising. [ that kavinsky can't even stand himself. it was clear enough from how he'd said he doesn't plan to live to 24, and the suicide attempt, and god, what do they do with these freaking kids? for all they've been through, they're not really kids anymore. just as andyr'd stop being one once hapsburg took him. and still, it doesn't escape him that adam's dropped the main issue here. ]

Doubt I need to say it, but the former's the healthier option. [ working through it, and yet, that's something to be done in a safe place, and this place is so far from it. he can't blame adam for not wanting to, much as it'll hurt ronan once he does, eventually, learn about this too. straightening up, andyr skims over the table next to the bed, and picks up the knife he'd given adam before, holding it out, hilt forward, to adam. ]

Keep it. Not much you can do to fight a drug, but there's always a person holding the drug first. [ it requires you to hear or see them coming, but it's at least something. ]

[unaffluent]

[ Adam lifts a shoulder. Maybe that's true but what's there to do but just try to survive and there isn't a place for how he feels not when Ronan's already almost died because of him. He bit down on his lip as he glances at Andyr. The knife makes him uncomfortable when Andyr first picks it up which he knows is a ludicrous reaction.

He only hesitates for a moment though before accepting it. It's true. That maybe next time he'd be able to do something to defend himself but how Kavinsky had attacked him had been impossible to predict or defend against. He wouldn't really get worse would he?

He doesn't say as much. ]

Thanks.

[deconstruct]

[ he takes it, at least, and there's some part of andyr that feels somewhat satisfied with the boy having a weapon on it, though he knows, there's not much chance adam will use it. imagines adam's thinking the same thing. he isn't like him and ronan, doesn't fight as a primary instinct, and that's nothing for him to feel bad about, but maybe leaves him more likely to end up a victim.

at the same time, andyr knows his sense of these things isn't to be too trusted, given where he comes from and how it shapes his head of those who can defend themselves and those who can't. he can't apply the same to these boys. ]

I can teach you how to use it. [ andyr offers, either way, because all he knows about feeling more in control of yourself is training your body, and becoming capable. it's a false sense of security, he knows, but sometimes the balm works. ] If you want.

and then he sees andyr and ronan and avoids andyr instead

[unaffluent]

[ Adam blinks at the offer. He's hesitant to accept it for more than a few reasons. He's not sure that he could really be effective. The problems that he encounters are usually ones that he can't solve with violence or a weapon. They're either something controlling him from the inside like the demon or something out of nowhere like the dart that Kavinsky had shot at him. He'd never seen it coming. ]

Sure.

[ He doesn't have a particular enough of a reason to decline after all. ]

womp wooomp

[deconstruct]

[ the acceptance actually comes as a surprise, as adam doesn't typically seem to want to be around him much, so it brings a small smile to him. maybe feeling a little more capable can do something for him, is not in terms of practical use, then at least as something solid that adam can remind himself he knows. ]

Once you're back on your feet, we'll start working on it.

[ it'll give him something to keep his mind off ronan still healing, maybe. ]

[unaffluent]

Yeah. Okay. [ Adam agrees though he's not particularly sure how to feel about it or spending more time with Andyr. But it's not like he will have much to do while Ronan is healing and he'd probably drive everyone crazy if he just stayed by his side the whole time. ]

You'll check on Ronan?

[deconstruct]

Of course. [ andyr nods, glancing up to the tent flap he'd come into this section of the medical zone from, ronan somewhere past that in more intensive care. ]

I'll let you know if anything changes.